My DigitalMums experience

A story from Military-Mum to DigitalMum. Here is my journey over the last 6 months.

I came across a post by AFF- the Army Family Federation charity. Now I don’t believe in fate otherwise you could just sit in one spot and everything would happen for you. But I do believe we are the makers of our own destiny to a point...Speaking out to the Universe and positive thought manifesting...It was like the post was speaking to me and I HAD to enter, this was my chance to get a set at the table.

One evening, after looking for part time jobs and after becoming disillusioned with the prospect I wouldn’t be able to find something that fitted in around all the factors in my life without paying through the noise for childcare. I decided to give up for the night and switched over to grab the highlights of the day on social media. I thought that a few memes and a quick read of a Constance Hall post might cheer me up and empower me not to feel so bad about the actions my 16 year old self took- giving up on her Maths GCSE or being annoyed that at 28 I had due to my disability ruled out so many employment options.

For me I am a 28 year old women, with 3 children essentially no usable qualifications and a disability- I wasn’t screaming employment potential. Or that's how it felt after I couldn’t even get hired for a Catering Assistant position with a Level 2 in Professional Culinary Skills and a BTEC in hospitality! I just felt like a failure, and then starts the comparing. My friends from secondary school (we were from a small town and everyone is pretty much in contact still) is a Doctor, teacher, Nurse, lawyer- they basically had a plan struct to it got the grades and went to uni. While I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, had no idea I would wake up one morning sick and ended up being a teenage mum and then getting married at the dear old age of 21.

So you can start to see why this was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up- no matter how brutality honest I had to be on that post, I had to lay out why I deserved another shot at helping provide a real future for myself and be the role model my girls needed of a strong women, not having it all but being able to be a good mother and work around all our childcare issues and my husbands military career. I needed something that I could do if we were given the green light and had to leave all our things behind and move to the Middle East in a matter of days.

My life was complicated. Made more so by the fact I didn’t have a degree to fall back on, I could mange when my husband was deployed with 2 children and being pregnant- but that didn’t go down well on my CV, apparently! I would like them try and unblock a washing machine when you are that pregnant things are about to start orbit you, your an hour late for dinner and you have one child who things hes Tarzan and another that has taken the opportunity to try and eat the washing up liquid- that’s the real team building scenarios they should be giving people at interviews!

And then I didn’t win.

I know its going to sound strange but even then I thought something was going to come my way. I just had to keep going. And with one week till the start of the course I got an email! I took a screenshot of it and emailed back straight away. The weekend wait was agony as then email was on Friday and I saw it after office hours. So once I got a call on the Monday, everything slipped into place I applied through the normal channels so I could have access to moodle etc for the start of the course. It was a little bit of a whirl wind and now as I am writing this at I have handed all my work it, I still have the frantic wait to find out whether I have passed! Using my universe theory I have passed, I have made it after one move, one collection of a new disability (spinal cord injury), one husband being away and still having to fit in the course around mum life- after all of that we (the mums in my peer group) have pulled it out of the bag and I feel so proud of us all. Warning I may be crying by the end of this!

How you felt when joining the course?

Just like someone was answering me and saying here is a chance and you deserve it! I was going to hold on and not let go! And then all the usual oh my gosh can I do this, how am I going to do this and then this could actually be life changing! But most importantly I felt feeling supported every step of the way. As much as I wanted this it is still a massive step and new things can be very daunting! DigitalMums have a course style that understands the needs and feelings of the women that join the course and they take great care to guide us.

What your campaign was about?

I AM MINKA- we are strong, is a mind campaign to highlight the lack of representation, inclusion and general lack of visibility for the disabled community and how this has an over reaching effect on mental health. I want to provide a real time face to disability, talk about the taboo by sharing relevant content to provide the real aspect of what it like to live with a disability and to provided a voice for the invisible within society.

Picture by Errant Science

What was the most challenging aspect of the course?

Without a doubt the most challenging thing was lack of confidence and impostor syndrome. Even if I was doing well I would be struck down by anxiety and I would struggle to post because I just thought people were laughing at me and waiting for me to fail. I really had to work on this! I even had it during the last week when it came to submitting. I don't want to have to be that person who is trying and having the conflict of crisis but its normal when you have poured yourself into something.

What was your biggest 'a-ha' moment

When I turned on Instagram Insights on! I always used the app to keep photos on, badly. But when you are navigating part of an app you have never seen before, it can become incredibly confusing! The moment I figured it out I felt slightly stupid but mainly triumph- I am not above admitting that I struggled with something so seemingly easy but that is what the Peer groups are for!

What was your biggest success

I think just learning something, understanding it enough to implement and then actually gaining traction on my social platforms. After waiting all my life to find the calling I had been searching for it was this. Just looking at my impressions on the end of the week and seeing where I had started and by the end the consistent progress I had made was incredibly rewarding to see the fruits of my labour and what it means for my future and how it will enable me to help provide for my family.

Would you recommend the course and if so why

Yes I would. We live in a world where we can hear the whispering of flexible work, it’s on the horizon but not quite within our grasp. This course fitted around my niche commitments and I will be able for the first time to start building a path for myself on my terms. By taking back my employment choices I feel as though I have paved the way for future generations of Mothers so. If they end up in my situation it will be that little bit more easier for them. It comes down to empowerment and standing with each other and knowing what kind of future I want for more children.

Sophie Fernandes-McLaren

The Future

I feel right at this moment I am on the cusp of having my cake and I am also able to eat it! I have a wait the two week to find out my results I feel the ground isn’t solid. However I have given it my all and I think that the future is very much mine for the taking and yes I have a plan. It started off with my baring my sole and now 6 months on So watch this space.

I am Sophie Fernandes-McLaren Social Media Manager!